The glass is half empty

Mentally, this week has been pretty challenging.

Bryan is out of town, in West Virginia, starting the beginning of football season at a college level. This is the pattern we will have from now on - as long as he is blessed with making connections and getting higher in the football rankings.

I spent much of the day stressed to the point of exhaustion. I do believe that each of my children tried their best to push me over the edge.

Today is Wade's birthday. He is two and I was sad for him because this is the last birthday he'll have as 'the baby' in the family.

Tomorrow is a small, family party for him - couldn't today with Bryan out of town.

I have done ZERO planning. I almost forgot to order the cake, but at least I did that.

Karen dropped off ALL of the maternity clothes that I had parted with two years ago - it was four garbage bags full.

Two years ago, thinking I was OVER being pregnant, I gave her the entire wardrobe for a friend of hers, saving only a small box of my favorites stuff, just in case.

Well, just in case is here and I don't know if I have the energy to go through all the clothes.

One of my friends from work, Heather, gave me a big bag of her maternity clothes and I still haven't taken them out of the bag.

Why did I accept ALL these clothes - I don't want to let the chance go by without remembering the clothes I wore during my other pregnancies. I was elated to be pregnant while wearing those clothes... I'm hoping for the same effect.

So now, I have 6 bags of clothes to got through and I just stare at them.

I want to put on my old jeans - not look like a house for the next 8 months. (plus).

I have to admit that a VERY small piece of me is understanding that this little miracle, growing inside me, is truly meant to be here.

I have to admit that a VERY small piece of me takes comfort knowing that after this pregancy is over - we are done and our family is complete.

But who, by today's standards, has 4 children? Not too many, I'll tell ya.

Karen and Bill are the exception. She comes from a family of 6 - she is lost without the crowd.

So what is my excuse? I don't know.

But I do know that today, at Burger King, I got my first look with raised eyebrows and the question - 'are they all yours?' - knowing full well that the question ACTUALLY meant - 'are you nuts to have one more?'.

It is my life - God wants this little one to come to us - I just hope that it comes with the strength to raise them all and not jump off a cliff.