Getting used to the idea - kind of.

Well, what can I say? Mentally, this has been a challenging week.

To announce that I'm overwhemed at the thought of having 4 children is an understatement; but what is done is done.

The fact it that if there is any home that can handle it - it is ours. It just feels like baby phase of our marriage is the only phase of our marriage.

But, I love Bryan and I know that man loves me. So we'll make it.

I had to break into the maternity clothes box. I'm embarrassed that I have to wear these so soon - my tummy looks 4 months along. What I get for not working out in my youth.

We all went out to dinner (Bryan, me and the 3 kids). I know that people we passed were doing double takes at the amount of kids in tow and my tummy sticking out from under a white maternity shirt.

I must say though, that the children were so well behaved and I was proud to be out with them. I'm hoping that the same will be true when this little one comes along - seating for 6 a any restaurant will be challenging.

Going on a week and the shock is still there.

I am just 6 weeks pregnant, I think, and am already wearing maternity clothes.

Why?

Well, there could be three reasons....

#1 - I'm off on my dates. Which is a good chance because, if my dates were accurate, I wouldn't be pregnant.

#2 - There's more than one in there. Which is just not even thinkable.

#3 - This is what happens when you are pregnant for the fourth time. Your body just knows what's coming and poofs out.

I am choosing to put my entire being into #3.

It is just embarassing that I walk around and people ask 'How far along are you?'.

I'm still figuring out how to answer that - right now, I just say that I'm not sure and leave it at that.




This week has been so crazy - but I'm most surprised at how supportive people are.

Once they get over the shock and asking me if I'm crazy, the conversation takes the tone of how children are blessings and how God had a different plan for us than to let us just have the three.

I can't possibly be expecting... again!!! 8/28/07

Or so I thought - but alas, it is so.

Looking back over the past two weeks, I'm surprised I didn't see the signs. You'd think I'd have the symptoms down by now.

Ever since we've been home from our 10 day vacation to St. Augustine, I have been disappointed that not one pair of pants - jeans or otherwise, can button at the waist.

I just couldn't believe that I stop going to the gym, for a month and eat a few cheeseburgers on vacation and my whole abdomen goes to pot. Well it did and I had made a mental note to self to get my a$$ back to the gym...

If only I didn't also feel run down and tired like I was getting ready to come down with the flu or something. I spent the past week waiting for myself to feel better and like I'd want to go walk on a treadmill.

Then, my boobs started to ache. Not a lot, just a little bit on the sides. I just associated it with the time for me to get my period and that I must be getting it any day now.

Then, my period never came.

First it is a day late... I didn't think anything of it. Then two days and three days... still didn't think anything of it.

Finally after 5 days, I was complaining to a close friend that I must be going through early menopause and she suggested I take a pregnancy test.

A what? I thought to myself. What a ridiculous idea - that I could be pregnant.

Didn't she understand that after 3 kids - I should know what being pregnant feels like?

Didn't she understand that my hubby and I have spent the past two years carefully counting the days of my cycle and that the last time we were together was on day #8?

Wasn't she aware that for my third pregnancy, I had gotten to know my cycle so well that I could tell you weeks in advance when I would be ovulating and that is ALWAYS happened on day 12-13 ?

It was just not possible that I conceived.

Besides that, I just made an appointment to see the ob/gyn to arrange a tubal ligation, in the upcoming months.

Finally, after 3 children, I was feeling like I was D-O-N-E with having babies. I have always been open to having one more, but had to face the fact that, in reality, we couldn't afford another one.

So, after getting off the phone, I drove over to the pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy test kit. Unlike previous times where I picked the most expensive one because I didn't want a cheap test to miss anything, I didn't care if the test was cheap. I wasn't wasting $$$ for a test to tell me that I'm not pregnant.

Getting home, I made a bee line into the bathroom, little Wade (23 months) in tow, following me every step. I sit down, trying to ignore his own pleas to use the toilet (which he doesn't do, he just likes to stand there pretending he is urinating); but I didn't have time for that now.

I quickly hold the stick in the middle of the stream, counting 1,2,3,... up to 8. The tests want you to leave it there for 5 seconds, but I wanted to get every last drop on the stick.

The thing turned positive in my hand!!!!!!!!!

I didn't get it right away. I wasn't sure if the thing needed one blue line or two blue lines to read a positive test - all the while praying that it needed two lines

.

So, leaving it on the counter, I quickly read the directions - only to see that it was only a single line.

Then, it started to register. My eyes switched back and forth between the stick and the directions, comparing the two. No matter how much I stared at it, it wasn't changing... it was positive.

After a good cry, which was consoled by my son, on the bathroom floor, I had to compose myself and come up with a good way of telling my husband that a fourth child is on the way.

This wasn't going to be easy or pretty.