I can't possibly be expecting... again!!! 8/28/07

Or so I thought - but alas, it is so.

Looking back over the past two weeks, I'm surprised I didn't see the signs. You'd think I'd have the symptoms down by now.

Ever since we've been home from our 10 day vacation to St. Augustine, I have been disappointed that not one pair of pants - jeans or otherwise, can button at the waist.

I just couldn't believe that I stop going to the gym, for a month and eat a few cheeseburgers on vacation and my whole abdomen goes to pot. Well it did and I had made a mental note to self to get my a$$ back to the gym...

If only I didn't also feel run down and tired like I was getting ready to come down with the flu or something. I spent the past week waiting for myself to feel better and like I'd want to go walk on a treadmill.

Then, my boobs started to ache. Not a lot, just a little bit on the sides. I just associated it with the time for me to get my period and that I must be getting it any day now.

Then, my period never came.

First it is a day late... I didn't think anything of it. Then two days and three days... still didn't think anything of it.

Finally after 5 days, I was complaining to a close friend that I must be going through early menopause and she suggested I take a pregnancy test.

A what? I thought to myself. What a ridiculous idea - that I could be pregnant.

Didn't she understand that after 3 kids - I should know what being pregnant feels like?

Didn't she understand that my hubby and I have spent the past two years carefully counting the days of my cycle and that the last time we were together was on day #8?

Wasn't she aware that for my third pregnancy, I had gotten to know my cycle so well that I could tell you weeks in advance when I would be ovulating and that is ALWAYS happened on day 12-13 ?

It was just not possible that I conceived.

Besides that, I just made an appointment to see the ob/gyn to arrange a tubal ligation, in the upcoming months.

Finally, after 3 children, I was feeling like I was D-O-N-E with having babies. I have always been open to having one more, but had to face the fact that, in reality, we couldn't afford another one.

So, after getting off the phone, I drove over to the pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy test kit. Unlike previous times where I picked the most expensive one because I didn't want a cheap test to miss anything, I didn't care if the test was cheap. I wasn't wasting $$$ for a test to tell me that I'm not pregnant.

Getting home, I made a bee line into the bathroom, little Wade (23 months) in tow, following me every step. I sit down, trying to ignore his own pleas to use the toilet (which he doesn't do, he just likes to stand there pretending he is urinating); but I didn't have time for that now.

I quickly hold the stick in the middle of the stream, counting 1,2,3,... up to 8. The tests want you to leave it there for 5 seconds, but I wanted to get every last drop on the stick.

The thing turned positive in my hand!!!!!!!!!

I didn't get it right away. I wasn't sure if the thing needed one blue line or two blue lines to read a positive test - all the while praying that it needed two lines

.

So, leaving it on the counter, I quickly read the directions - only to see that it was only a single line.

Then, it started to register. My eyes switched back and forth between the stick and the directions, comparing the two. No matter how much I stared at it, it wasn't changing... it was positive.

After a good cry, which was consoled by my son, on the bathroom floor, I had to compose myself and come up with a good way of telling my husband that a fourth child is on the way.

This wasn't going to be easy or pretty.